Mommies: Heroes and Best Friends

Mamas are everywhere in my world. They always are. That’s just the way I like it.  But especially this time of year.  I spent a weekend recently with some 1400 mommies at LifeWay's .Mom conference in Birmingham.  Then I came home to a season of speaking to Mom to Mom groups every few days.  I love it! One of the things I love most about being with moms is hearing their stories.  You already know this, but let me remind you: moms are heroes.  Their stories stay with me.  Stories of traumatic births, difficult pregnancies, unexpected pregnancies, long periods of infertility, miracle adoptions, foster-mom God-moments.  And stories of life with 8 kids (or more!) as well as magnificent testimonies to single-mom survival—even joy.

One of my favorite moments at the .Mom conference was meeting the recipients of our blog give-away—Lauren and Carrie.  Lauren, I’m sorry we didn’t get a picture.  But I got to spend a few precious moments with Carrie as she shared about her life as a single mom.  Moms as heroes—yes.  God’s grace poured out on these heroes—you bet!

Recently I’ve been reminded of  heroic everyday mom lives in my own family.  One daughter-in-law spends hours each day in the car to get her son to a good school.  Another daughter-in-law recently took on painting a room in the basement after the kids went to bed each night during a weekend with Daddy gone for three days—only to have the tape rip off the paint when the project was done.  Yikes!

Then there’s my sleep-deprived daughter Erika with 6-week-old Judah.   He is adorable (you knew I’d say that!)—and gifted, of course . :-)   The problem is that his gifts seem to be eating and growing—but not sleeping!  His parents are working on that.  He has a ways to go.  In the meantime, you all know the drill:  Mama’s gift becomes surviving—somehow—amidst the kind of sleep deprivation that would make most terrorists spill their guts!  You remember these days—yes?

But then there are other moments: mom-moments that make all the difference.  Moments that keep mom-heroes going even in the toughest places.  Erika had one of those moments recently.  One afternoon, on a very long day, Judah’s big sister, Gabriella, came down from her “rest time,” rushed into the living room, threw her arms around Erika, and said “Mommy, you’re my very best friend!”

Just a reminder for all of you in case your kids haven’t told you lately: not only are you a hero, but you are building precious relationships with these kids even amidst the toughest times.

What keeps you going amidst long days and short nights?  I’d love to hear your stories!

The #1 Thing Every Child Needs Most

I’ve been working on a new talk.  It’s called “In the Middle of the Muddle: What Matters and What Doesn’t.”   I’ve been thinking about the endless “to do” lists we moms have.  And I’ve been struck with how important it is for each of us to sort out what really really matters, and what doesn’t.

One of the things I loved most about Shauna Niequist’s book Bittersweet was her chapter entitled “Things I Don’t Do.”  It was a great reminder that in order to do the things we believe really do matter, we absolutely must let go of things that don’t matter as much.

It got me to thinking about what is truly the #1 thing I believe every child needs most.  Of course there are lots of candidates for this #1 spot.  But I chose my #1 because of its eternal power.  It’s the one thing that we never stop giving our kids: PRAYER.

A mother’s prayers.  For every day of her life—and, I believe, right on into eternity.

I was reminded of the power of a mother’s prayers recently when I had the privilege of speaking at a memorial service for my aunt.  Aunt Sue was a remarkable woman—especially for her times.  A seminary librarian for many years, she served as a librarian at a Native American school after she retired, married for the first time at age 75, and then traveled the world for many years setting up libraries at various mission seminaries and Bible schools while her retired-seminary-professor husband preached and taught.   She died just months short of her 100^th birthday and 25^th anniversary.

As I reflected on her life, I kept thinking of the little hard-scrabble farm in Minnesota where she was raised.  And immediately I thought of my grandma, a German farm wife with a first-grade education who learned English for the first time in her forties and raised six children who all had college degree—and, several of them, masters degrees or doctorates.

More importantly, I thought of Grandma’s prayers for her children.  Her deepest desire was to raise them in the Lord.  I came across a long-ago letter (written in 1950) in which Grandma commented that “the desire to have you safe in the arms of Jesus has never left me and will never leave me as long as we live.”  She went on to say, “I know we both have failed many times in giving you the right training, but God in His great mercy has made it so that you all have had the chance to experience the new birth which is the most important thing in life and our prayer is that after our earthly life is finished we will be able to say, Lord, here are those which Thou hast entrusted to us. (underlining hers) That will be heaven, first to see Christ who has redeemed us and to praise Him for bringing us safely home.”

A pretty good prayer, if you ask me.    Yes, we fail many times as parents—Grandma sure had that right.  But then come the pivotal words: “But God in His great mercy...”

And we keep on praying.  As I watch our children focus very intentionally on training their children in Godly ways, I think of the generational impact of mama-prayers—for our children, and their children, and their children’s children, as the Bible so often says.

Deathless prayers, as E. M. Bounds observes: “God shapes the world by prayers.  Prayer are deathless—they outlive the lives of those who utter them.”

So just in case you might be making your own list of Things I Do and Things I Don’t Do, here’s my recommendation for #1 on your “To Do” list: Pray for your kids—today, tomorrow, and always.

Welcome to a new grandson

He's here!   Praise God with us for a new grandson!  Judah Anderson Cronin was born in Dublin, Ireland, at 12:33 am on Saturday August 27, just 33 minutes into his due date.  Mommy, Daddy, and big sister Gabriella are doing well.  And Nana is loving getting acquainted with Judah as well as playing with Gigi (Gabriella's nickname)  while mommy is busy with the new baby. His name means "I will praise the Lord," and that's just what we're doing.  Please join us!

Wise Words on School Choices, Parenting, and Just Plain Being Nice

Last Mother’s Day our son Bjorn gave me a book which grabbed my interest immediately: Going Public by David and Kelli Pritchard.  The subtitle is: Your Child Can Thrive in the Public School.   I hear from many moms who are struggling with schooling decisions for their kids.  So I was very curious to see what these authors, the parents of 8 children who have been educated in public schools, had to say.

Here’s what I found: The Pritchards provide a persuasive but Godly, balanced perspective on how public school education can be an excellent choice for many families.  They offer terrific specific suggestions on how to guide your children through public school experience.  They illustrate time and again how their interaction with both their kids and with the kids’ teachers provided teachable moments for all involved.  Everyone grew through the process.   I love the positive attitude and prayerful, intentional strategies they offer for navigating public school life.

But what I loved even more was the basic, foundational principles the Pritchards outline for raising Godly kids.  Much of the book is devoted to explaining the three most important things to teach your kids: to love the Lord your God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength; to obey you unconditionally; and to learn and practice self-control.  Those are three foundational goals for any Christian home, I’d say, whether your kids are in public school, Christian schools, or home-schooled.

As I read the book, I kept thinking that this is a great book for any parent who wants to raise Godly kids.   Having seen our three kids through many years of both public and Christian schools, I resonated with many of the examples the authors gave about maintaining healthy and positive relationships with your children’s teachers, other parents, and the community in general.

One disclaimer: The family life that the Pritchards describe is based on a greater flexibility of schedule than many a family enjoys—including ours when we were raising our kids.  They work with a wonderful Christian organization called Young Life.  Since  our son and daughter-in-law are on Young Life staff,  I know first hand how incredibly busy Young Life staff can be.  And especially a couple raising eight kids of their own!    But the nature of the work does allow more flexibility for day-time involvement with school, sports, and community events.

The Pritchards are not on a mission to get every family to send their kids to public schools.  Nor are they suggesting every family should look just like theirs.  Their writing is not prescriptive, but descriptive.

What I love most of all about the book is the gracious, loving spirit with which it is written.  In fact, one of their best chapters can be applied to almost any situation in church and community life, no matter what your school choices: “The Magic of Being Nice.”  Even in some bold positions they take which are controversial (e.g. on mothers staying at home with kids), their views are presented with grace.

I Peter 3:15 comes to mind.  This is a book worth reading!

Blog Giveaway: We Have Two Winners!

Congratulations to the two names we drew from those who commented on my past two blog posts!  Lauren Barrow of Milton, FL, and Carrie Deering of Brenham, TX, we hope to see you at .MOM in Birmingham in September! To all the rest of you who commented, thank you so much for your thoughtful insights, suggestions, and words of encouragement for all of us moms.  Keep the comments coming.  We love hearing from you!

Things I Love about Mom to Mom

Since this is my 100^th blog post, I decided to celebrate with a very different post than usual.  Though Mom to Mom comes up regularly in my ramblings, I don’t often write just about Mom to Mom.

But these days I’m feeling very reflective.  Believe it or not, Mom to Mom is approaching a big birthday: #20!  That may surprise you, as our curriculum is more recent.  But the first Mom to Mom was actually held at Grace Chapel in Lexington, Massachusetts, on September 19, 1991.  I remember the excitement that first day.   We were ecstatic just to have gotten through the morning—a great morning.  But little could any of us have imagined what God had in store for Mom to Mom!

I often tell people that I came into Mom to Mom kicking and screaming.  My first love had always been teaching Bible studies.  When God began to call me to develop a moms’ ministry, I felt a little like Moses in Exodus 3: “Great idea, God!  I’m sure there is someone who would love to do it.”

What was I thinking?  How could I have possibly missed this wonderful ride!  Any of you who know me know I love Mom to Mom! So, in a celebration of praise and thanks to God, here, in random order, are a few “Things I Love about Mom to Mom”:

• I love being with moms.  Is there anything better?
• I love hearing moms breathe a sigh of relief: “It’s so good to know I’m not the only one who . . .”
• I love watching moms come to know God.  One mom’s words to me were simple but profound: “Just think: Before Mom to Mom I didn’t even know your God.  Now He’s my God, too.”
• I love hearing how women have learned to love their children better.  One mom told me, “When I first came to Mom to Mom, I was completely overwhelmed with my one baby.  I think I was borderline abusive.  Now, after four years at Mom to Mom, I have three children and just love being a Mom.
• I love watching women connect. “I just moved into this area.  My family’s far away and I felt so isolated in my mom-job.  My Mom to Mom group has become family to me!”
• I love seeing eyes opened to the LIFE that is in God’s Word. “I notice there are things in the Bible I want my kids to know. So I think there must be things in the Bible I need to know. I’ve never read the Bible.  But I’m going to get one.  Does your church have classes about the Bible?”
• I love hearing from husbands about how they appreciate Mom to Mom. One stopped me in the hall at church one Sunday to ask: “Could you possibly do Mom to Mom two days a week?  Mom to Mom days are our best days!”
• I love the community created at Mom to Mom. One mom told me this week: “My daughter has had four miscarriages in the past 18 months.  It’s her Mom to Mom group that’s gotten her through.  They’re her life-line.”
• I love how we all grow at Mom to Mom. A Titus 2 leader told me just yesterday: “I’ve never once left Mom to Mom without at least 2 or 3 things I could apply directly in multiple relationships.  My kids love Mom to Mom.  My husband loves Mom to Mom.  My friends love Mom to Mom.”
• I love seeing lives—and families—changed. One mom admitted to being so angry when she first came to Mom to Mom that she tried to shock her leader with her worst language. Since then she and her husband and children have come to Christ. They’ve been great witnesses for Him through illness, on mission trips, and in their own church and community.
• I love watching God at work! Mom to Mom is Titus 2 lived out.  When we signed the contract with LifeWay for our new curriculum, one of our board members responded with Psalm 118:23: “This is the Lord’s doing.  It is marvelous in our eyes.”  A perfect verse for Mom to Mom: God is at work.  How eternally grateful I am to be a part of His work!

Or course you know I could go on and on with my list.  But I’d love to hear from you.  What do you love about Mom to Mom?  How has God grown you through Mom to Mom? It could be a word, a sentence, or a brief anecdote.   But don’t forget: We’re going to draw from all those who comment two winners for those tickets to .MOM.  We’d love to see you there!

Life as a Real Mom: How Do You Do It?

A couple of weeks ago my husband Woody and I had the great joy of taking care of our two grandsons, Soren (4 ½) and Nils (14 mos) for a week while their parents were taking kids to Young Life camp.  It was a great refresher course in parenting.  We had a blast.  Really—it was so much fun!

I wish I could tell you more, but I have to be honest here: I had anticipated coming home with a notebook full (or at least a head full) of hilarious comments and antics and incidents with which I could entertain blog readers.  I thought this to be a realistic expectation.  Soren frequently says absolutely hilarious things.  He has a vivid imagination, a memory that is positively scary, and he is very verbal.  Nils is a clown.  He loves to get you laughing, and he mimics everything he sees his big brother do, which leads to some pretty funny entertainment.

But here’s the glitch.  Life moved too fast for me that entire week.  I never got to write anything down.  Not even a list for each day (my usual practice)—and certainly not witty sayings or doings in the small journal I had (how hilarious!) brought.  Both my daytimer and my journal are completely blank for that week.  Most of the time I think my mind was, too!

We did all kinds of fun things: we went to playgrounds; visited a children’s museum;  played pirates in the basement (Woody and Soren did, anyway—I was a little worried about Nils around the pirate sword); went out to lunch one day and out on another day for ice cream; even had a visit from a friend who surprised the boys with a new scooter for Soren and a push-trike for Nils.  And yes—we made a visit or two to the pediatrician.  I told you this was a refresher course on real-life parenting.  How could it not involve middle-of-the-night fevers and unexplained crying?

But here’s the thing: I had expected a break in the action now and then.  A time to reflect a bit.  Take a deep breath.  Write down a few of the wonderful things my grandsons did—and there were many!  But all I did was take a nap when they napped—and collapse on the couch after they went to bed.  Even though we were two-on-two (two adults there full-time, two kids), Woody and I pretty much just sat side by side and stared into space every evening.

So here’s my question for the week.  How do you keep your life balanced during these busy busy years?  Do you find time to do anything—anything at all—beyond the absolute necessities of each day?  If so, what’s your secret?

Don’t get me wrong: What you’re doing each day for and with your kids is huge—the best job in the world.  Feeding, rocking, changing, bathing, and playing with your kids is a huge accomplishment in itself.  In fact, if you wrote it all down on a “To Do” list, you’d be pretty impressed. (As recommended on my friend Jill Savage’s blog post the other day—great idea!)  I loved getting to do all that again.

But I seem to remember that when I had three pre-schoolers, I did manage—at least now and then—to read a book, complete my Bible Study lesson (some weeks), and find a few words left for my husband (on a good day) when he came home late at night.  I’m trying to remember: How did I do it?

Can you remind me?  I know many of your days feel like sheer survival.  But I also know some of you actually do read books, find time for personal devotions, blog, facebook with friends—at least now and then.  I even know some of you who are crafty and actually make things after your kids go to bed (quite beyond me even now, I must admit)!

So I’d love to hear from you.  What tips can you share about how you find time to create balance even in the midst of your mom-life?  Or maybe how you come to peace about not doing that right now!

Don’t forget: We’ll have a giveaway for two tickets to the .MOM conference in September from all of those who comment here by Thursday noon, July 28.  We look forward to hearing from you!

A “Don’t Miss” Conference for Moms—and a giveaway!

I’m excited to invite you all to LifeWay’s first-ever conference just for moms!  It will be held September 23–24, 2011, in Birmingham. Alabama.  Featured keynoters will include women whom some of you may know as favorite Bible Study teachers.  They are also moms: Priscilla Shirer, Vicki Courtney, and Angela Thomas, among others.  There will be tons of breakouts to choose from, lots of laughs guaranteed, and a “Mom Squad” to answer questions you might have.

Mom to Mom will be there, too.  I’ll be doing two of the breakout sessions, and we’ll be exhibiting, so we hope you’ll stop by and see us!

We’re so excited about this that we’re planning to give away two tickets to winners we’ll draw from those who comment on either of my next two blog posts (First Post,  Second Post) by noon (EDT) on Thursday, July 28.  Winners will be announced on Friday, July 29.  Don’t miss this chance!  And for more details on the conference, check out this link.

A Summer Treat: Bittersweet

Here’s a book to pack in your beach bag—or just curl up with at home when your kids are napping.  Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way,  by Shauna Niequist.   It’s a great “snatch book,” as each chapter stands alone (almost like a blog post), so you can savor it bit by bit as you have time.

I loved Shauna’s previous book, Cold Tangerines.   But this one is even better.  Maybe it’s simply because she has lived longer.  Shauna writes out of her life.  And Bittersweet is written out of a season in her life that has been just that.  A time of growth and accomplishment and fulfillment as a woman, a wife, a writer, and now a mother.  But also a time of great change, deep loss, and bitter disappointment.

How do we make sense of such a life?  It’s an important question to ask, because we will all live in such a season—if not now, then sooner or later.  When Shauna writes of finding grace and forgiveness and healing and hope—even joy—amidst hardness and heartache and barrenness, her voice rings true.

The book is also—trust me—a fun read.  The cover alone will get you.  Check it out and you’ll see what I mean.  When I gave the book to my daughter, her two year-old went for it immediately, exclaiming, “Mmmmm!  Chocolate!”  (A girl after my own heart, that child!)  You foodies will love how Shauna describes her journey in terms of memorable meals.  She loves to cook as much as she loves to write, and this is a delicious read.

But the book is more than that.  All mothers will identify with Shauna’s reflections on motherhood.  There’s such joy when she writes about her son, Henry.  And such wisdom in her call for community with other moms, rather than comparison and competition.  And her pleas for older, wiser experienced moms in her life. Of course, you know what I was thinking: “That’s just why we have Mom to Mom!”

On a personal level, I was deeply moved by the chapters dealing with miscarriage and infertility and loss: “Heartbeat,” What Might Have Been,” and “On Crying in the Bathroom.”  Having personally experienced the same kind of miscarriage Shauna had, it was “déjà vu” for me.  But it is important reading for all mothers—not only for those who have experienced loss, but also for those who want to walk well alongside another on this journey.

On a very practical level, the chapter “Things I Don’t Do” is worth the price of the book.  Shauna’s cure for the “Do Everything Better” syndrome is must-reading for every one of us recovering-perfectionist moms!

Ultimately, Bittersweet points readers to God.  As Shauna puts it:”My life is a story about God and what He does in a human heart.” (p. 240)   It’s a story worth reading!

Memo from Monitor Land

Recently I had the gift of taking care of Gabriella, my 2 ½-year-old granddaughter, for four wonderful days.  “Gigi” (her nickname) and her mommy (our daughter Erika) were visiting us from Ireland for several weeks, and Erika had gone off to enjoy a girlfriend weekend with college friends.

Gigi and I had a ball.  We put puzzles together, built with blocks, played “taking care of baby brother”  (due to arrive in her house late summer), danced in crazy hats to silly kids’ songs, had teddy bear tea parties, went to the library and the beach and the playground—and savored ice cream treats.  It was “Nana heaven.”

It was a fresh look at  “life in monitor land.”  Believe it or not, our own kids were raised without monitors.  They just weren’t much in use at the time.  But in this Nana-season of my life, I have to say I love monitors!

Admittedly they have a downside.  I don’t sleep as well with a monitor on my dresser. There may actually be times when moms on duty 24/7 with young children would do well to turn them off.  When a child is settling into naptime, Mom might need a quiet break more then she needs to listen to every bit of jabbering and singing that goes on before sleep comes.

But it’s different with nanas.  Nanas love “listening in.”  It’s amazing how much you can learn about what goes on in a two-year-old’s mind.  Here are a few random things I learned from listening to the monitor:

• Kids often review their day as they go to sleep—or even in the middle of the night!  “Go in car with Nana….Run run run in water….Play in sand at beach….Have tea party with Teddy Bear.”  Then at 4 am, a brief reprise: “Chips [what they call french fries in Ireland] . . . choo choo . . . come home with NanaFarfar” [her word for her grandfather is the Swedish “farfar,” and Gigi runs our names together—kind of a nice reminder of two-become-one].  And then at 5 am: “Gigi taking good long nap!”

• Kids love to interact with stuffed animal friends: “Hi-ya, dolphin!”  Hi-ya, Penguin!  Hi-ya, Teddy!”  She even “read” several complete books to her bed-buddies.
• Kids work out issues as they talk them through.  “I take good nap . . . Bye bye, people . . . Mommy right back.”   Another time: “Mommy Daddy gone . . . Gigi play with NanaFarfar.”

• Kids cement their learning through review.  I remember hearing (via the monitor) our grandson Bengt practicing his counting.  Gigi would sing through her ABC song.  And one night I heard her reviewing—in rhythmic chant—the main characters in a book about the Lion King: “Simba, Nala, Scar, Zazu, Mufasa . . .” She especially loved the sound of that last one!
• Kids memorize easily and even internalize what you sing to them.  Several times I heard Gigi singing through the words of a song Erika often sings to her as she puts her to bed.  It’s a song I used to sing to Erika: “Peace” from The Music Machine.  I love the refrain: “Peace, peace, I think I understand/Peace, peace is holding Jesus’ hand.”  Not a bad way to drift off to sleep—for children or adults!

If you ever wonder what your kids are taking in during the day, try listening in to the monitor.  They may be absorbing a lot more than you think!