Happy New Year: HE Goes Before!

Happy New Year!  I know I’m late in saying this.  But for the past few lovely weeks I’ve been living on “Planet Nana.”  Our daughter Erika has been visiting from Ireland with her husband Richie and their adorable 2-year-old, Gabriella.  It’s been total joy for this Nana!  I’ve loved every minute.  And I’ve also had a great refresher course on real life with a toddler—more on that in a future entry.

But for right now, I’m sitting in an empty house which is way too clean (all the toys have been put away till the next grandchildren visit—as soon as possible, please!) and way too quiet.

But it’s giving me time to reflect.  January is that kind of month, isn’t it?  All the celebrations and family visits are over.  The Christmas decorations are put away.  There’s a certain “cleansing” in finally throwing away the last of the stale holiday goodies and getting a fresh start.  There’s a whole new year ahead.

A whole new year.  But what will it bring?  What lies ahead?  January is probably a time when we have more questions than answers.

I find myself thinking of each of you reading this blog.  I wonder about how January 2011 is feeling for you just now.  I’m guessing some of you feel relief that the holidays are over.  You’re exhausted, and thankful to be “back on schedule” (especially if you have kids in school!).  Others of you, who don’t have kids in school and are surrounded by babies, toddlers, and pre-schoolers, are asking  “What month did you say it is?”   Some of you are housebound with sick kids.  Some of you are grandmothers, like me, who are missing the kids that have gone back to their own homes.

But all of us, at some point or other, wonder about 2011: What will it bring?  I think that’s why the January 14 entry in Streams in the Desert struck me with such force.  It’s based on a beautiful picture—the picture portrayed in John 10 of Jesus as our shepherd, the one who goes out ahead of His sheep and leads them.  John 10:4 says this: “When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.”  (NIV)  In other words, HE goes before.  He is ahead of us in all our tomorrows—no matter what.

The devotional entry goes on to include a poem by J. Danson Smith with the constant refrain: “He goes before.”  Then it concludes with some words from F.B. Meyer: “…God is out in front.  He is in our tomorrows, and it is tomorrow that fills people with fear.  Yet God is already there.  All the tomorrows of our life have to pass through Him before they can get to us.”

I just had to share those words with you.  They are such good words as we enter a new year.  Whatever is on your mind just now as we begin 2011—sick kids, cabin fever, financial stress, job insecurity, infertility that feels like forever, or welcome quiet, pregnancy-in-process, a bright job future, the joy of a “clean slate” new year—whatever is on your heart about 2011, He goes before. He’s already there, waiting, extending a hand, letting you know that as long as you keep your hand in His, He will never let go.  Never.

Good words for 2011.  Good words even for January.  Good enough words that I can wish every one of you, with confidence, a Happy New Year!

Great Ways to Say a Mom-to-Mom “Merry Christmas!”

Just after posting my last blog entry, I received a note from the leader of a Mom to Mom in Pennsylvania which has had me smiling ever since I read it. It is full of great examples of the “calling back” I wrote about last time. What encouragement and service and joy Mom to Mom can bring both within and beyond our churches! With joy—and with the writer’s permission—I share with you some wonderful things Mom to Mom groups in one church are doing. And they’re sure having fun doing them!

This year we encouraged all our Mom to Mom groups to do some sort of service project to make sure we remember that Christmas is not about us! We had a great response—and the groups did a lot of neat things.

• My Mom to Mom group rang the bell for the Salvation Army at one of our local malls last Friday night. As part of our church's emphasis—Christmas, it's not about us—we are supplying volunteers to ring the bell at several locations throughout the holiday season—one hour shifts. It is such a great experience! Anyway, my group wanted to do it, so the moms brought husbands and kids and we all met in the freezing 20 degree Pennsylvania wind. We even had a therapy dog with antlers who belongs to my assistant leader—quite an attention getter I might add. We wore Santa hats and had bells galore. We sang every Christmas carol several times during the hour we were there, using our trusty song sheets. . . . We said Merry Christmas a million times and some of the kids with their Santa hats on opened the doors for the shoppers as they went into the mall. Two little angelic girls stood by the kettle and when folks would put money they would say so sweetly with those big innocent eyes—Thank you, Merry Christmas. For an hour I threw out my pride and wore the Santa hat and Salvation Army apron and led the group in song after song—by the end we could not feel our feet or hands we were so cold, despite the hot chocolate one of my moms brought for us all. At times there were so many of us that folks had trouble getting to the kettle to put the money in—I kept having to do crowd control and say, ‘Make a path! Make a path!’ The mall security guard drove past every 10-12 minutes—I think they were worried! LOL!
• One of our moms has an 18 month old son who was diagnosed with a brain tumor back in September, the day we kicked off Mom to Mom. Her table group and the whole Mom to Mom AM (90 moms) are doing various things for the family, including buying presents, food, giving gas cards for their trips to the medical center, etc. One week we put out a basket and said just put anything in you can so we can give them a gift card for groceries for Thanksgiving. We got $500—we were overwhelmed. So neat to see everyone respond.
• One group did another cool thing: the husband of one of our moms has been out of work—had a construction business but had to close it. He just got a job—they had to sell their house and everything. Our group of 10 put together a gift basket for her—and chipped in money for a Walmart gift card for food and Christmas gifts. We collected $300 within our group for the gift card—I could not believe it—that is from 10 women. And the gift basket was a work of art—filled with all sorts of special things just for her since moms usually go without when things get tight. She cried when she got it—
• Also, our church is collecting reading glasses to take to Cuba in April when our pastor goes on a mission trip there. The older people in Cuba cannot read the Bible because they cannot see it. It is not a matter of money—there are no reading glasses in Cuba. Several of the PM Mom to Mom groups brought in reading glasses as their service project. Another group went to the county nursing home and sang to the residents—the kids went and it was so sweet.

What wonderful ways for Mom to Mom groups to say “Merry Christmas” to moms right in their group as well as to folks way beyond the church doors. I’ll bet you’re smiling, too. And maybe getting some great ideas for your Mom to Mom group next Christmas—-or in the many months in between. We’d love to hear from you, too, if you have ideas to share.

Merry Christmas one and all!

Faithfulness, Fruit, and “Calling Back”

“I thought you’d like to see a picture of the kids you helped me raise." The picture on the Christmas card was of a beautiful young couple’s wedding. The words came from a proud mama, a Mom to Mom “alum,” who was overflowing with joy at the ways in which God has grown and led her three young adult children.

But her words took me back many years—nearly two decades—to when I first met this woman. How different things were in her family then! Beth (not her real name) was struggling mightily in her role as mom, grappling with family dysfunction and anger and not wanting to be at Mom to Mom despite a friend’s insistence that she come. In fact, she was so angry and overwhelmed that she told me years later that she saved up all her bad language to use on Mom to Mom days because “if my leader knew who I really was, she wouldn’t keep on loving me like she does.”

But her leader did keep on loving her. Mightily and stubbornly, with the never-failing love of our God. Eventually Beth came to know not only her leader’s love, but the love of her leader’s God. I remember a note Beth wrote me one summer after a couple of years at Mom to Mom. “Just think,” she said,” Before Mom to Mom, I didn’t even know your God. Now He’s my God, too.”

Not only did Beth come to know God—but her whole family did as well. They joined our church, put the kids in a Christian school, eventually got involved in Bible studies and went on mission trips and testified mightily to the grace of God during times of grave illness. One of those now grown-up kids was the groom in the picture, marrying the young woman he met at his Christian college.

The fruit of faithfulness. Especially—and above all—the faithfulness of our God as He works in lives as He draws them to Himself. But he also uses our faithfulness. Faithfulness of dedicated Titus 2 leaders. Faithfulness of the administrators who make a ministry like Mom to Mom happen. Faithfulness of childcare workers who lovingly care for the children of moms who need to be at Mom to Mom.

Recently I had a vivid reminder of the mighty work of Mom to Mom childcare teams. I visited a new (first year) Mom to Mom in Maine where I was amazed and delighted to learn that their whole childcare team is made up of volunteers. Heroes, I’d call them—the men and women who care for kids so that their moms can grow as Christian moms.

The day I was there, the moms were honoring and thanking these wonderful childcare workers by each bringing something for a Christmas basket for each worker. Some moms had baked cookies, others made a small ornament or wrote a note or bought a small treat to add to each basket. The baskets were overflowing. And so was my heart—to see both God’s faithfulness in this wonderful team and the gratitude of these moms. And I thought of the investment being made which will bear fruit for years to come. “If only,” I thought. “If only the women who have worked so hard as leaders and administrators and childcare workers could see into the future to see the fruit of such faithfulness."

Back to that picture on the Christmas card. It also made me think of my Mom, who for years prayed faithfully for this Beth and her family. I believe Mom was at one time Beth’s Titus 2 leader—I’m not sure. But she knew about her and her family and tried to encourage them in every way she could. I wished that Mom could see this picture and read Beth’s note. Maybe she does.

This week—December 19, to be exact—is the third anniversary of my mom’s death. But her prayers live on, as I mentioned in a long-ago blog (“Deathless Prayers”). The reading for December 19 in an old-favorite devotional Mom often read, Streams in the Desert, includes a poem by an unknown author which always reminds me of Mom, of Mom to Mom, and of God’s faithfulness when we are faithful to “call back” about His faithfulness and provision to those coming along the road behind us in mothering. I share it with you as an encouragement to all of you who ”call back” to other moms—whether through leading a small group at Mom to Mom, sending a note (or an email, a text, a tweet) of encouragement, caring for kids so moms can grow in Jesus. Or praying “deathless prayers” over the moms and families Jesus so loves.

Call Back

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back— It will cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track; And if, perhaps, Faith’s light is dim, because the oil is low. Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.

Call back, and tell me He went with you into the storm; Call back, and say He kept you when the forest’s roots were torn; That when the heavens thunder and the earthquake shook the hill, He bore you up and held you where the lofty air was still.

O friend, call back and tell me for I cannot see your face; They say it glows with triumph, and your feet sprint in the race; But there are mists between us and my spirit eyes are dim, And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.

But if you’ll say He heard you when your prayer was but a cry, And if you’ll say He saw you through the night’s sin-darkened sky— If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back— It will cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.

This Advent season, I hope you’ll keep “calling back” about the One whose birth we celebrate. He is faithful. He calls us to be faithful. There’s a picture ahead of you somewhere of the “kids you’re helping raise.”

Words of Thanks

“Give thanks, with a grateful heart…”

The words of an old chorus woke me up the other day.   And then I began to see words about thanks all over my house.  A simple sign in my kitchen says, “Give thanks.”  In the dining room a Thanksgiving decoration borrows Paul’s words from I Thessalonians 5:18 (KJV): “In everything give thanks…”   In everything?  Could Paul really have meant that—everything?

Giving thanks comes easily for me right at this moment.   These days, my heart is overflowing with thanks.  At our house we’re getting ready for a visit from our son Lars, his wife Kelly, and their two wonderful kids Bengt (5) and Hannah (1 ½).  We are very excited.  Last year Lars was eating his turkey at Camp Leatherneck in Afghanistan.  This year he’ll be with us.  So this Nana is feeling especially full of thanks this Thanksgiving!

But as this chorus played itself out in my head, my mind went immediately to some of the people I’m praying for especially right now.   What does giving thanks look like when you’re sad and lonely after a divorce?  When you’re broken-hearted over an adult child’s choices?  When your husband is still bed-ridden and brain-challenged in a rehab hospital four months after a terrible accident?  When your wife is in hospice and every day takes you to a new country you never wanted to visit?   When your mother, who struggles with Alzheimer’s, has broken her hip and is suffering but can’t even understand about the surgery or why she will never walk again?  When you had a miscarriage months ago and are now riding the monthly roller coaster of hope and disappointment and wondering what God is doing in all this?

I pondered these questions, and prayed for these friends.   Then I walked by some other words hanging on the wall of our family room.  They’re the words of Psalm 34 in a paraphrase from Psalms Now! by Leslie F. Brandt.  The Psalm begins: “I feel as if I can never cease praising God…”  It then goes on to talk about how very present God is in every situation in our lives.  Even in —and maybe especially in—the difficult places.

“I turned to him out of my inner conflicts, and He was there to give me strength and courage.  I wept in utter frustration over my troubles, and He was near to help and support me . . .”

The words shout to me out of this Psalm because it has deep meaning for our family.  Psalm 34 was my Nana’s favorite Psalm; it is inscribed on her tombstone.  This paraphrase of Psalm 34 was the one Woody’s parents read together in the hospital nearly every day many years ago when Dad was slowly dying at age 52 over nine long weeks.  They found the words to be true even in those days.

[God] is very near to those who suffer and reaches out to help those who are battered down with despair. . . . He meets their emptiness with His abundance and shores up their weakness with His divine power.

Then some other words came to me.  Years ago, I remember reading somewhere something Ann Graham Lotz said about her mother, Ruth Graham.  The main thing her mother lived out, Ann said, was the truth in her life that God is enough. “I’ve seen God be enough when she had everything else,” Ann said, “and when she had nothing else. “

Some more words from that chorus came back to me:

Give thanks with a grateful heart.

Give thanks to the Holy One.

Give thanks because He’s given Jesus Christ, His Son.

And now, let the weak say ‘I am strong,’ let the poor say ‘I am rich’—

because of what the Lord has done for me.

Give thanks.

Weak, strong.  Poor, rich.  Healthy, sick.  Disappointed—or rejoicing.  God truly is with us in everything.  Maybe that’s what Paul meant when he said, “Give thanks in all circumstances . . .” (I Thessalonians 5:18 NIV)  Notice he didn’t say for all circumstances but in all circumstances.  Big difference!

As my friend of years ago used to say on his answering machine message when he, as a young man, had just had a stroke and his mentally challenged daughter was struggling with heart issues, “God is good—all the time.”  Reason to give thanks—yes?  All the time . . .

Happy Thanksgiving!

Out of the Mouths - and into the Hearts - of Babes

Recently a friend called my attention to an excellent blog posting called “Doctrine in Diapers” by Amy Julia Becker on Christianity Today’s blog for women called her.meneutics.   It’s worth reading!  In it Becker shares stories of saying (and singing) grace with her children, praying with them, answering (or attempting to answer) their questions, taking them to church, and reading Bible stories with them.   Through it all the whole family—not just the kids—are learning a lot about God.  It sounds a great deal like what we talk about at Mom to Mom as the “Deuteronomy 6 lifestyle.”

It brought back a flood of memories for me.  And as I relived these memories, I realized something.  I am now re-living them in a new and different—and wonderful—way.  I am now seeing new versions lived in the lives of my grandchildren.

There was a time when our kids were young when we would sing “God Is Great and God Is Good” (pretty good theology, I’d say—as Becker observed about some of their songs of grace) before eating.  I’ll never forget the time our family, along with a young teen “Mother’s Helper” from our neighborhood, was grabbing a quick supper in the food court at the mall.  Lars, who was about 2 ½-3 at the time, insisted on singing our grace right there in the middle of the mall.  I thought poor Susan was going to go through the floor.

Recently Lars’ son Bengt was sharing his “wish list” for his 5-yr-old birthday.  “I really like hymns, Nana,” he said,  “so I’d like some CD’s of hymns.  My favorites are ‘Holy, Holy, Holy’ and ‘Be Thou My Vision.’”  Interesting choices, I thought, for a 5-year-old.  Also some great theology being sung into his life at an early age.

Becker also talked of her children’s prayers for others, and I was reminded of how many years (yes, years) Bjorn prayed for the “hostages in Iran to come home” every night before bed.  Now I sit around the table with Bjorn and his family and hear Soren, almost 4, praying for a missionary family in almost every prayer: “Please be with the boys in the Middle East.” (Names and country can’t be used.)

Becker also references some very interesting blog posts from a New York Times parenting blog.  Some of the conversation generated from those posts, links, and comments reflects the very real angst of parents who, as atheists or agnostics, struggle with how to answer their kids’ questions.  Questions like: “Daddy, if I speak to God, will he listen?”  Or:  “Where do we go when we die?”

Questions kids ask probably deserve another whole posting (or several!)  I know my kids as preschoolers asked me much harder questions than my middle school and high school students ever did when I was a teacher.   But even as we, as Christian parents, grapple with how to answer tough questions about Bible stories and about God at age-appropriate levels,  I am so thankful that we can pass along to our children the things that matter most about God—especially, and above all, His amazing love and care for them.

One of the NYT posts, called “Creating God in Your Parents’ Image” talks about how kids’ images of God are formed not only from things their parents tell them about God, but perhaps even more by how their parents treat them.  (As Becker observes from the NYT posts, “Interestingly, children with absent parents don’t assume that God is absent.  Rather, they often understand God as their surrogate parent.”)

I’m reminded of something else we talk about frequently at Mom to Mom:  “Children remember feelings more than facts.”  Which brings back another memory, which I believe I shared in a long-ago blog post (“What Songs Are You Singing to Your Children?”)  Once when our whole family was here visiting, Erika slipped down to our lower level with her newborn Gabriella to comfort her seemingly inconsolable crying.  As Erika rocked her and sang to her, she heard footsteps tiptoeing down the steps, and there was Bengt, then about 3.  He stopped in his tracks and listened with wonder as Erika sang the old Swedish hymn “Children of the Heavenly Father” (the hymn I sang to all our children when I put them to bed).

“That’s my Daddy’s song,” he said in amazement.  “My Daddy sings that song to me.”

Who knew?  All the ordinary, daily “stuff” we do with our kids (or maybe grandkids)--rocking and singing and loving and struggling with really tough questions—is teaching them more about God than we can ever imagine.  And, as Amy Julia Becker reminds us, teaching us, too.

I’d love to hear from some of you.  What are your kids learning about God from you?  And how?

Sad/Glad Nana Daze

“Nana home….sad.”  These words from my 23-month-old granddaughter pretty much sum it up. About a week ago Woody and I returned from a wonderful 10 days in Dublin, visiting our daughter Erika and her husband Richie and their daughter Gabriella.

It was an almost magical time.  We read books, ran on the green, had tea parties and danced the Hokey-Pokey in the sunroom, explored Ikea’s play areas, discovered pumpkins, rode the train, bounced in leaf piles, and just generally had a fabulous fun time.

But then we came home.  Not only did we come home, but I came home sick.  Sicker, actually, than I’ve been in a long time.  My usual post-Dublin daze turned into a complete blur.  It wasn’t until the wonder of antibiotics kicked in that I began to make my way out of the fog.  Going directly from “Planet Nana” to Planet Sick” is not much fun at all, let me tell you!

But it made me wonder again and again, “What do Mommies do when they get this sick?”    Do mamas get sick days?  Hmm.  I think we all know the answer to that.

I’m not sure I can actually remember feeling quite so sick when my kids were young.  Maybe God’s granted a blissful forgetting.  But I kept thinking of all of you mommies out there.  I found myself hoping and praying that for any of you who find yourself on “Planet Sick,” there is a Mama nearby (your own or borrowed—maybe your Titus 2 leader if you’re in Mom to Mom) who will step in and lend a hand, make a meal, watch the kids, or do whatever she can to ease your load.

If you are one of those moms whose kids are now on their own, I hope you’ll be alert to the moms around you who could use a hand in times like this.

I learned another little lesson in the midst of last week’s fog.   Memories can be powerful medicine when you’re sick.  Or when you’re just a sad Nana, wishing you were back in Dublin reading bedtime books with Gabriella.  If you ever need a dose of joy—truly abandoned joy—try hanging out with a 23-month-old—or even looking at pictures you brought home with you.

Gratitude helps, too.  When I miss my grandkids (which is often!) I am reminded how very grateful I am to have five beautiful, healthy grandchildren.  Counting these blessings can turn “sad Nana” into “glad Nana.”

All things considered, though, I’d rather be back in Dublin.

Five Mommies, Seven Sisters, and S’Mores

I’ve just returned from Mom to Mom Ministry Board meetings out in the Boston area.  What a great time we had working together, praying together, laughing together—even sharing a few tears from time to time, as we shared our hearts as well as our work.

But the dominant visual memory we will all have from our time together is this: S’Mores!  Yes, S’Mores—those wonderful, gooey, gloriously caloric treats many of us remember from Girl Scouts or Christian camps or family vacations.

Why S’Mores?  Well, because our chaplain, whom we affectionately call Pastor Kay, began our time together with a brief devotional in which she shared verses from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 in The Message about how much stronger we are as we work together: “A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.”  Much less a 7-stranded one! Kay told us,

“We, board sisters, are much like s’mores.  Some of us tend to be like graham crackers: brittle at times, but ultimately sweet.  Others of us are more like marshmallows: soft with passion and heart-felt emotion.  Still others are more like dark chocolate: quiet, deep, yet so ‘just right’ at the moment needed.

But even though each board member offers individual treasures, when God put us together and added the ‘fire’ of the Holy Spirit, we became so much more than we would have ever been separately—we became s’mores.”

Kay’s devotional made me reflect back over the years since Mom to Mom began.  It’s always been a team effort.  From the three young moms who originally saw the need of such a ministry to the “Five Mommies” who first comprised the Mom to Mom Board to the “Seven Sisters” our board has grown to include, we’ve always shared the work.

And as we’ve shared the work, we’ve become, as Kay reminded us, so much more than any one of us could ever be by ourselves.   Even as we worked together and prayed together—and yes, played together (oh yes, we do know how to have a good time between all those meetings!) S’Mores became a sort of theme for our last three days together.

But the S’mores theme actually extends way beyond our little board.  I think it’s a picture of Mom to Mom groups throughout the country.  On the leadership level, we Titus 2 leaders are so much more as we join hands around our circles and work together and pray together and love and encourage moms together.  And our moms becomes so much more to their families as they share the joys and challenges of their work among their small groups.

Aren’t you glad God gave us each other?   Of course ultimately HE is the One who makes us so much more.  I’m reminded of Ephesians 4:16: “From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”  (NIV)

In case you’re wondering, yes, we did actually have S’Mores to eat—even though, for some of us working down to the wire before leaving for the airport, we had to take them “to go” in the car so it did get a little messy!

So today I’m thanking God for our Mom to Mom Ministry Board, for all of you doing Mom to Mom throughout the country—and for S’mores!

You Gotta Keep Laughin’!

I recently returned from a trip to Michigan in which I met lots of moms - moms from three different Mom to Mom groups.  Some were young moms with their first new baby; others had a houseful of toddlers and preschoolers. Some were celebrating their kids going back to school, others bemoaning kids who’d left for college.  Yet others were mentor moms comparing notes (and pictures, of course!) about grandchildren.   We all had one thing in common.  Actually, we all had a lot in common.  But one thing that struck me particularly was that we all so desperately need to keep laughing!

I was speaking on the topic “Can You Really Love Your Kids and Your Life—at the Same Time?”  As I looked out on these audiences of moms, two things were obvious: First, these moms really love their kids.  They really, really do.  But also, these moms desperately need to be able to laugh with other moms about the daily “mission impossible” challenges of being a mom.  Sometimes it’s a matter of survival.  At the very least, it makes being a mom more fun.

As I talked with moms after each session, we found ourselves laughing a lot.  Not that we didn’t have serious conversations.  Some very heavy things were shared, and I find myself still praying for some of the moms I met.  But I also noticed how crucial it was for these moms to hold on to their sense of humor.

There was the one mom who came half an hour early for our Mom to Mom Dessert Night because it just felt so good to get out of the house and let her husband put the kids to bed.  She wasn’t in any hurry to leave, either, when the party was over.  Even though she spent a good bit of her time showing me pictures of her two adorable little girls.  :)   And there was the mom who told me “Hey, we’re doing pretty well even though my kids are so close together in age.  I haven’t put any up on Craig’s List yet!”   Laughter really is one of the best medicines for a mom.

All this reminded me of an older woman I knew many years ago who influenced me more than she ever knew.    She was the woman I wanted to be when I grew up.  An older woman in our church that most people called Grammy Perkins,  she was one of the funniest—and Godliest—women I ever knew.  And that, I must say, is one fantastic combination!

She led the Tuesday morning women’s prayer group at our church.  And what mighty prayer warriors those women were!  I remember my dad often commenting that it was the prayers of those women that got him through the completion of a manuscript he was writing on the Old Testament—and even got it published with a big-name publisher.

Grammy Perkins was also one spunky lady.  One of the best stories I heard about her was how she got her driver’s license.  As an older woman (I don’t know how old she was.  She seemed very old to me—but then I was in fifth grade at the time!),  she had never learned to drive.  She kept telling her husband she was going to learn. “Oh, Julia,” he’s say.  “You know you’re never going to do that at your age.  In fact if you got your license, I would buy you any car you want.”  That was all Julia needed. Out she went and enrolled in driver training classes—right along with all those teenagers.  And, unbeknownst to her husband, she got her license.  Then one night he came home for dinner to find her brand new license hanging from the chandelier  in the dining room—along with a note on the kind of car she wanted.  And she got it!

But what I remember most about her was a little prayer she said she often had to pray: “Lord, fix me up, Lord, fix me up.”

Oh, how often I need to pray that prayer.  “Lord, fix me up, Lord fix me up.”  As a young mom with small children, as a mother of teens, even now as a grandmother.  It’s a prayer I need regularly.  And I notice, along with wonderful Grammy Perkins, that one of the ways God works in me, one of the way He fixes me up, is through laughter.  Truly, it is good medicine.  Often, it is God’s medicine.

I believe it was Charles Swindoll who said, “Of all the things God created, I am often most grateful He created laughter.”  I think Grammy Perkins would agree.  Especially for moms.

Praying and laughing—perhaps the two most crucial ingredients for a mom.  My prayer for you is that  you’re doing lots of  both!

SuperMom vs. Truly Having It All

Recently, I was asked to speak on the topic “The Myth of the SuperMom.”  My first reaction was: the title says it all—SuperMom is a myth.

SuperMom simply doesn’t exist.  Not in real life, anyway.  SuperMom is a figment of our mom-imaginations.  She is the mom everyone else seems to be—and the mom we can’t seem to measure up to.  The imaginary mom we come up with when we compare our inside (how we feel about ourselves as moms) with everyone else’s outside (the “successful” moms we see all around us).

But this is a very persistent myth.  Years ago, Erma Bombeck wrote about “Sharon,” the SuperMom.  Sharon not only “color-coordinated the children’s clothes and put them in labeled drawers, laundered aluminum foil and used it again, planned family reunions, wrote her congressman, cut everyone’s hair, and knew her health insurance number by heart”; she also “planned a theme party for the dog’s birthday, made her children Halloween costumes out of old grocery bags . . . and put a basketball hoop over the clothes hamper as an incentive for good habits.”

The problem was, as Bombeck discovered long ago, everyone considered Sharon a SuperMom except her kids.  They preferred hanging out at a neighbor’s house.

SuperMom, it turns out, would not really be that great a mom after all—even if she really did exist.  Why?  Because real kids do not need a SuperMom.

They do not need a SuperMom because, first of all, SuperMom is FakeMom—a mom who is trying to impress everyone within viewing distance that she has it all together—and so do her kids.  The real story tends to be very different.  The real inside-the-house story.  Just ask her kids.

Why?  Because SuperMom is trying to do so many things, accomplish so much, fit so many things into her schedule, that she often misses the most important things.  The things—or rather the people, the husband and kids—right in front of her.

In addition, SuperMom tends to do way too much for her kids—to give them too much, to protect them too much, to hover too much.  At the same time she tends to expect too much from her kids just as she does from herself.  After all, a SuperMom must have SuperKids, right?  Talk about pressure!

Furthermore, even if SuperMom were the real thing, she wouldn’t be much good at preparing her kids for real life.  The real life where we can’t do it all, be it all, have it all.  The real life most of us live.

No, your kids do not need SuperMom.  They need RealMom.  They need a real, authentic mom who acknowledges her human-ness, her limitations, even her mess-ups.  She is willing to apologize when needed, to live within healthy boundaries, and to learn along with her children.  RealMom laughs a lot more than SuperMom.

Most importantly, she is willing to acknowledge that she doesn’t “have it all.”  But she knows where to go to get what she needs.  No, she doesn’t have all wisdom, all strength, all patience, all knowledge.  But she knows the One who does have all these things.  The One Who promises to be strength in our weakness, wisdom in our confusion, and patience when ours has long ago run out.

Recently, I came across a verse that jumped out at me in a new way as a great mom-verse.  It’s 2 Corinthians 9:8: “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” (italics mine)

It’s a totally different perspective on “having it all,” isn’t it?  God doesn’t expect us to be SuperMom.  He already knows we’re not.  And He loves us anyway.  Not only does He love us; but He provides for us “all we need”—all grace at all times for all things.  That’s a promise I can live on.

And what’s more, so can my kids.  They learned long ago that they didn’t have SuperMom.  It wasn’t just the magnet on the refrigerator: “So I’m not SuperMom. Adjust.”   They knew it in everyday life.  But I like to think it was good preparation for their life as not SuperParents.  Now, I must say how grateful I am that my kids are such good parents.  But I hope they don’t expect themselves to be SuperParents.

Being real parents—real moms and real dads—turns out to be so much more fun.  You know you will make mistakes, but you also know that God—and kids—are very forgiving.  You know you don’t “have it all.”  But you know where to go to get all you need.  Very freeing, actually.  Much more fun.  Better for your kids.  And you laugh a whole lot more, don’t you think?

Parenting: A Marked or Unmarked Path?

I thought of all of you (all of the moms reading this blog) a couple of weekends ago when Woody and I started out on a morning of hiking.  We were at a state park in Door County in northern Wisconsin that we had visited a few years ago, and there was one particular trail which Woody remembered that he wanted to revisit.  It wound down some fairly steep cliffs (for us amateur hikers, that is) to become a lovely walk along the lake, with beautiful vistas over Lake Michigan.

At least that’s how we remembered it.  The problem was that we couldn’t find it!  We returned to the area where we thought the trailhead had begun, and there seemed to be absolutely no sign of this trail.  That was my impression, anyway.  Woody, on the other hand, bold explorer that he is, was quite sure he had located the start of the trail.  No, there was no sign there.  But there did seem to be a worn path leading down toward the lake.  And he was sure this must be the trail he remembered.

Now you need to know that this was in an area where all the trailheads are clearly marked.  We had parked in a visitor lot where there was a map of area trails.  And there were several other trail entrances that were clearly marked.  No sign of ours, however.  And both of us were confused by the map.  (An unusual event in Woody’s case.  He LOVES maps, and seems to have been born with a map in his brain. I, on the other hand, am perpetually confused by maps.  I much prefer written directions!)

As any of you who are married can guess, our day of happy hiking didn’t start out so well.   After considerable debate, we went with Woody’s initial plan.  We started out on the trail he was very sure was the one he remembered.  Despite the absence of any sign marking the beginning of a trailhead, we began to pick our way down a small bit of trail winding its way through overgrown roots along a rocky descent toward the lake.

As we proceeded, I couldn’t help but note (out-loud, you can be sure!) that not only had there been no sign at the beginning; there were also no little signs along the way—the small brown markings all the other trails in the area seemed to have indicating you were on the right path and headed toward your intended destination.

The path became increasingly indistinct—and simultaneously much steeper.  Finally I  couldn’t go any farther.  “Woody, I just can’t go on.  This is making me way too uncomfortable.  The path is becoming steeper and more overgrown, and I really don’t want to either get lost in these woods or go flying down this cliff directly into the lake.  I need some assurance that we’re on the right path.  I need signs.  I need a clearly marked trail.”

I think Woody was actually beginning to feel the same way, though he hadn’t so far mentioned it.  (He is Swedish, in case any of you aren’t aware of that.  This means a lot of things, but especially that he is very determined.  Some might say stubborn; but Woody does have a mostly endearing way of being determined, so I’ll stick with that.)  So yes, my Swedish husband admitted that we should probably turn around and retrace our steps.  We went back to the parking lot, looked at the map again (Woody did, anyway) and eventually drove to another visitor lot where we did indeed find the trail we had been looking for—signs and all.

So what does this have to do with all of you?  What does this have to do with parenting? As I was walking, I kept thinking of how hiking is like parenting.  It’s a long, hard, winding trail that requires our full attention.  Like the path we were on which was overgrown with roots and very rocky in spots, there are stages when all you can do is focus where you put your next foot.  It’s hard to even look up to what’s ahead, and sometimes nearly impossible to even enjoy the scenery around you because just making your way along the path takes all the energy and focus you’ve got.

But thank God it is not an unmarked path.  We have a guide book—God’s Word.  And we have clear signs along the way—both from the Bible and from other fellow travelers.  And we are not alone.  There are those walking alongside us as well as those farther down the trail that can call back and steer us in the right direction, cheer us along the way.

It’s really what Mom to Mom is all about.  We remind each other that we’re not on an unmarked path.  There is signage provided, direction given both from God’s Word and God’s people.  There are those who’ve gone before, both great men and women of Scripture and “Titus 2” moms, cheering us along the way.  They reach out when we need a hand.  They tell stories from further up the trail.  They provide company along the way.  They point us upward to the One who never ever leaves us alone, even for a minute, on this parenthood path.

How I hope and pray that all of you reading this either have Mom to Mom or something like it in your lives.  It helps you know you are on the right path, it helps clarify your intended destination, and it makes for much happier hiking!