Life as a Real Mom: How Do You Do It?

/

A couple of weeks ago my husband Woody and I had the great joy of taking care of our two grandsons, Soren (4 ½) and Nils (14 mos) for a week while their parents were taking kids to Young Life camp.  It was a great refresher course in parenting.  We had a blast.  Really—it was so much fun!

I wish I could tell you more, but I have to be honest here: I had anticipated coming home with a notebook full (or at least a head full) of hilarious comments and antics and incidents with which I could entertain blog readers.  I thought this to be a realistic expectation.  Soren frequently says absolutely hilarious things.  He has a vivid imagination, a memory that is positively scary, and he is very verbal.  Nils is a clown.  He loves to get you laughing, and he mimics everything he sees his big brother do, which leads to some pretty funny entertainment.

But here’s the glitch.  Life moved too fast for me that entire week.  I never got to write anything down.  Not even a list for each day (my usual practice)—and certainly not witty sayings or doings in the small journal I had (how hilarious!) brought.  Both my daytimer and my journal are completely blank for that week.  Most of the time I think my mind was, too!

We did all kinds of fun things: we went to playgrounds; visited a children’s museum;  played pirates in the basement (Woody and Soren did, anyway—I was a little worried about Nils around the pirate sword); went out to lunch one day and out on another day for ice cream; even had a visit from a friend who surprised the boys with a new scooter for Soren and a push-trike for Nils.  And yes—we made a visit or two to the pediatrician.  I told you this was a refresher course on real-life parenting.  How could it not involve middle-of-the-night fevers and unexplained crying?

But here’s the thing: I had expected a break in the action now and then.  A time to reflect a bit.  Take a deep breath.  Write down a few of the wonderful things my grandsons did—and there were many!  But all I did was take a nap when they napped—and collapse on the couch after they went to bed.  Even though we were two-on-two (two adults there full-time, two kids), Woody and I pretty much just sat side by side and stared into space every evening.

So here’s my question for the week.  How do you keep your life balanced during these busy busy years?  Do you find time to do anything—anything at all—beyond the absolute necessities of each day?  If so, what’s your secret?

Don’t get me wrong: What you’re doing each day for and with your kids is huge—the best job in the world.  Feeding, rocking, changing, bathing, and playing with your kids is a huge accomplishment in itself.  In fact, if you wrote it all down on a “To Do” list, you’d be pretty impressed. (As recommended on my friend Jill Savage’s blog post the other day—great idea!)  I loved getting to do all that again.

But I seem to remember that when I had three pre-schoolers, I did manage—at least now and then—to read a book, complete my Bible Study lesson (some weeks), and find a few words left for my husband (on a good day) when he came home late at night.  I’m trying to remember: How did I do it?

Can you remind me?  I know many of your days feel like sheer survival.  But I also know some of you actually do read books, find time for personal devotions, blog, facebook with friends—at least now and then.  I even know some of you who are crafty and actually make things after your kids go to bed (quite beyond me even now, I must admit)!

So I’d love to hear from you.  What tips can you share about how you find time to create balance even in the midst of your mom-life?  Or maybe how you come to peace about not doing that right now!

Don’t forget: We’ll have a giveaway for two tickets to the .MOM conference in September from all of those who comment here by Thursday noon, July 28.  We look forward to hearing from you!

A “Don’t Miss” Conference for Moms—and a giveaway!

/

I’m excited to invite you all to LifeWay’s first-ever conference just for moms!  It will be held September 23–24, 2011, in Birmingham. Alabama.  Featured keynoters will include women whom some of you may know as favorite Bible Study teachers.  They are also moms: Priscilla Shirer, Vicki Courtney, and Angela Thomas, among others.  There will be tons of breakouts to choose from, lots of laughs guaranteed, and a “Mom Squad” to answer questions you might have.

Mom to Mom will be there, too.  I’ll be doing two of the breakout sessions, and we’ll be exhibiting, so we hope you’ll stop by and see us!

We’re so excited about this that we’re planning to give away two tickets to winners we’ll draw from those who comment on either of my next two blog posts (First Post,  Second Post) by noon (EDT) on Thursday, July 28.  Winners will be announced on Friday, July 29.  Don’t miss this chance!  And for more details on the conference, check out this link.

Memo from Monitor Land

/

Recently I had the gift of taking care of Gabriella, my 2 ½-year-old granddaughter, for four wonderful days.  “Gigi” (her nickname) and her mommy (our daughter Erika) were visiting us from Ireland for several weeks, and Erika had gone off to enjoy a girlfriend weekend with college friends.

Gigi and I had a ball.  We put puzzles together, built with blocks, played “taking care of baby brother”  (due to arrive in her house late summer), danced in crazy hats to silly kids’ songs, had teddy bear tea parties, went to the library and the beach and the playground—and savored ice cream treats.  It was “Nana heaven.”

It was a fresh look at  “life in monitor land.”  Believe it or not, our own kids were raised without monitors.  They just weren’t much in use at the time.  But in this Nana-season of my life, I have to say I love monitors!

Admittedly they have a downside.  I don’t sleep as well with a monitor on my dresser. There may actually be times when moms on duty 24/7 with young children would do well to turn them off.  When a child is settling into naptime, Mom might need a quiet break more then she needs to listen to every bit of jabbering and singing that goes on before sleep comes.

But it’s different with nanas.  Nanas love “listening in.”  It’s amazing how much you can learn about what goes on in a two-year-old’s mind.  Here are a few random things I learned from listening to the monitor:

  • Kids often review their day as they go to sleep—or even in the middle of the night!  “Go in car with Nana….Run run run in water….Play in sand at beach….Have tea party with Teddy Bear.”  Then at 4 am, a brief reprise: “Chips [what they call french fries in Ireland] . . . choo choo . . . come home with NanaFarfar” [her word for her grandfather is the Swedish “farfar,” and Gigi runs our names together—kind of a nice reminder of two-become-one].  And then at 5 am: “Gigi taking good long nap!”

  • Kids love to interact with stuffed animal friends: “Hi-ya, dolphin!”  Hi-ya, Penguin!  Hi-ya, Teddy!”  She even “read” several complete books to her bed-buddies.
  • Kids work out issues as they talk them through.  “I take good nap . . . Bye bye, people . . . Mommy right back.”   Another time: “Mommy Daddy gone . . . Gigi play with NanaFarfar.”

  • Kids cement their learning through review.  I remember hearing (via the monitor) our grandson Bengt practicing his counting.  Gigi would sing through her ABC song.  And one night I heard her reviewing—in rhythmic chant—the main characters in a book about the Lion King: “Simba, Nala, Scar, Zazu, Mufasa . . .” She especially loved the sound of that last one!
  • Kids memorize easily and even internalize what you sing to them.  Several times I heard Gigi singing through the words of a song Erika often sings to her as she puts her to bed.  It’s a song I used to sing to Erika: “Peace” from The Music Machine.  I love the refrain: “Peace, peace, I think I understand/Peace, peace is holding Jesus’ hand.”  Not a bad way to drift off to sleep—for children or adults!

If you ever wonder what your kids are taking in during the day, try listening in to the monitor.  They may be absorbing a lot more than you think!

Mama Wings—and His!

/

It’s funny what you notice when you keep your eyes open.   I mean, really open.  Mine seem to have been opened wider than usual lately.  I think Ann Voskamp’s list (see my earlier blog post on One Thousand Gifts) got me started.   No, my own list is not anywhere near one thousand yet.  I’m sure God’s gifts have numbered way beyond that.  I just haven’t written them all down.  But I’ve gotten a good start.

So here’s one thing I’ve been noticing lately: wings.  First, mama wings.

On a walk last weekend, my husband, Woody, and I encountered an entire family of Canada geese.   Not at all unusual around here given goose overpopulation.  But these two were different—at first it only looked like two.   The mama was sitting on the sidewalk in a very strange position, while the daddy was standing at the edge toward the street at high alert, with beak open, looking ready to honk and attack any potential intruders.

Then we saw them—three tiny goslings almost completely covered under the mama’s outstretched wing. Sheltered. Protected. Safe.  We were so sorry we had no camera to capture that moment.

But we did get another picture: meet the mama I’ve been greeting every morning.  Just outside our front door, a pair of mourning doves has built a nest in the eaves under the porch. The mama dove has been sitting faithfully for what seems like forever on that nest. Every morning I’ve peeked out and checked on her, offering a little encouragement for her seemingly infinite perseverance—you know, “You go, girl!” and things like that.

At first I thought the eggs were just taking forever.  But suddenly one day I saw two little heads peeking out, and they weren’t as tiny as I’d expected them to be.  I think she had been sheltering those babies with her body for quite a while after they were born.  Because it seemed like no time and they were out of the nest, perched on the roof.  And then they were gone!   Faster even than my kids grew up and left for college—those 18 years seemed to go so fast!

These sweet mama birds protecting their babies reminded me of two things:  First, all of you mamas and the myriad ways you protect your babies—and kids way beyond babies.  You shelter them.  You cover them.  You teach them to fly.  And then you actually let them do it!  Wings.  Yes, wings—yours and theirs.

But second, it’s His wings that are ever on my mind these days.  Wings that shelter.  Wings that protect.  Wings that keep us safe no matter how fierce life’s storms swirling around us.

God even gave me a song to remind me of His wings at a time when I needed reminding.  Do any of you know the old hymn, “Under His Wings,” by William Cushing and Ira Sankey?    I could only remember part of the first verse: “Under His wings I am safely abiding, Though the night deepens and tempests are wild, Still I can trust Him; I know He will keep me. He has redeemed me and I am His child.”  And the chorus: “Under His wings, under His wings, Who from His love can sever? Under His wings my soul shall abide, Safely abide forever.”

I couldn’t find it in my hymnals, so I looked it up on the internet and sang along as part of this morning’s devotions.  It is based on lots of scripture—Psalm 17:8 and Psalm 91:1, for starters.

So today I’m thanking God for wings.  Mama-goose wings.  Mourning dove wings.  Your wings over your kids.  And even their wings (though scary)!

But most of all, His wings.  Just in case you need encouragement today about wings—your tired wings, your kids’ scary wings, or His protecting wings—try this with me (and the Psalmist): ". . . I sing in the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 63:7)

She Swallowed a What?

/

“Oh, Mom, did Kelly tell you about Hannah swallowing a rock?”   My son Lars is on the phone talking about his just-turned-two-year-old daughter.  “She swallowed a what?” was, of course, my question in reply.

Now, we’ve known for quite some time that, as her parents put it, “Hannah is a piece of work.”  An absolutely adorable, hilarious, full-of-fun piece of work.  Hannah loves life.  She takes it by the tail and swings it around, laughing all the way.  Fortunately, she never does that to their dog, Ruby.  Actually, Hannah is a very loving, gentle child as well.  She’s just busy.  She just doesn’t want to miss anything.

But a rock?  I know every one of you mamas reading this is either hyper-ventilating just at the thought, or nodding your head knowingly, remembering your own similar incident with your child.

Let me assure you that Hannah’s mama, Kelly, my nurse daughter-in-law—who is one wonderful mother—was right on top of this from start to finish.  You can imagine: on the phone with the pediatrician; on duty with fruit and prune juice and all manner of “helps” to get this (fortunately) fairly smooth, small stone eliminated safely; and watchful of every possible symptom of blockage.  You know the drill.  And on her knees (as I was on mine), I’m sure, all at the same time.

Then came last night’s text: “Success! It took an enema and sounded like a champagne cork, but the rock is out!” Praise God!

The things our kids put us through!  Way beyond imagination, really.

As I thought about it (after thanking God profusely that all was A-OK with Hannah), I was suddenly reminded how like Hannah each of us are in God’s sight.  I do believe He sees us as wonderful, lovable, crazy-fun creations of His.  But at the same time we certainly need watching.  And we get ourselves into some pretty scary situations.

How thankful I am that He is as watchful, patient, and loving and care-giving with us as Kelly is with Hannah.  Even more so!  In fact, He loves us enough even to give us some pretty unpleasant-tasting stuff—or to put us through some not-very-fun procedures—to clear out what needs to go from our lives and restore us to health and life In Him.

Thank you, God, for protecting Hannah.  And thank you, God, for doing what needs to be done in our lives so that we might “take hold of the life that is fully life.”  (I Timothy 6:19b)

Rest for the Weary

/

Now that the Mom to Mom year is drawing to a close, it’s time to kick back and take a much deserved rest.  Here’s my formula for perfect summer rest:

Pick a restful spot. I’m an Atlanta girl. My restful spot is the porch.

Choose a comfy chair. Mine is in the shade on my side porch.

Pour a cool drink. Remember, I’m an Atlanta girl. My drink of choice is sweet iced tea with lemon.

Choose a good book. I have three recommendations for summer reading: The first is One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp—a book that leads you into radical gratitude with poetic words and graceful imagery. The second is Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy—an accurate history of what happened in Germany during World War II and of the man God chose to lead a generation of believers through the mire of history (a perfect read for current times). The third recommendation is A New Kind of Normal by Carol Kent. Kent writes authentically about what happens when life doesn’t turn out as you expect.

Now, put your feet up and REST.

From the Atlanta Girl

Easter: The Great Reversal and Sounds of Laughter

/

Holy Week always feels chaotic to me. Inwardly chaotic. Emotionally chaotic. I can’t decide how to feel.

On Palm Sunday, children sing and palm fronds are waved and Jesus is hailed as a King.  Such rejoicing!  But then the real chaos begins.  In a few short days, how the crowd turns.  By Thursday night, one of Jesus’ own has betrayed Him.  On Friday—just five days after His triumphal entry into Jerusalem—the crowd is shouting, “Crucify Him!”

Wait!  My heart cries out: What happened to the triumph?  And why is it that I—one who joyfully, even ecstatically, welcomed this King into the City—now find myself amidst this other, uglier, angry crowd?  That’s the horror: my sins put me right there with them.

It’s true, the line we sang in church recently (from “How Deep the Father’s Love for Us”  by Stuart Townend and Keith Getty):  “Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers.  “  Martin Luther was right:  “We carry His nails in our pockets.”

So it made great sense to me last Sunday when the young preacher said of Palm Sunday, and Psalm 118, which we were studying: “Today we celebrate the God of Reversals.”  And then this week I came across a series of long-ago Christianity Today articles on Holy Week under the title “The Great Reversal.”

The God of Great Reversals.  Watch Him at work through Holy Week.  Temporal, fleeting triumph turns to terror, and torture, and death.  For a day there is silence—holy, awesome silence.  And then the Great Reversal: RESURRECTION.  ULTIMATE TRIUMPH OVER SIN AND DEATH.   ETERNAL LIFE.

The God of Great Reversals.  A God in Whom the empty become full, the weak become strong, and sinners like me are forgiven and freed.   And death—yes, even death—is destroyed, “swallowed up in victory,” as Paul puts it.

Enter the laughter.  Now there’s a reversal.  No one was laughing much during Holy Week.  But now there’s laughter “from the other side of death,” as author Philip Yancey puts it.  I came across the exact quote this week.  The words had long echoed in my ears.  But there it was in an old file.  Yancey’s conclusion to a chapter in his book I Was Just Wondering . . . entitled “The Fragrant Season”: “Listen, Christians.  Can you hear the laughter from the other side of death?   Breathe deeply of a fragrance like no other.  Let it fill your lungs this spring, this Easter.”

I’ll be listening for the laughter this Easter.  Can you hear it with me?

Isn’t That SO Funny?

/

“Isn’t that so funny?” is one of Gabriella’s favorite new expressions.  Gigi, as we call her, loves to laugh.  And sing.  And dance.  On our recent visit to Ireland to see her and her mommy (our daughter Erika) and daddy (our son-in-law Richie), I was reminded how very important it is to laugh.  To actually have fun with your kids.

Every time we go to Ireland—and really, every time I travel—I am reminded of the universality of mom-feelings.  On this past visit, we spent a lot of time at playgrounds—another thing Gigi loves.  I loved playing with her there, and I also loved watching the other moms and kids at the playground.

One day we had the great good fortune of a long time on the swing.  There was no line of people waiting, as there often is, for the toddler swings.  As I pushed Gigi, a young mom pushed her son, a little boy who seemed about Gigi’s age (2 ½).  His mom looked as if she had been pushing him on that swing for a very long time.  In fact, she’d become almost robotic.  Back and forth, back and forth.

Then she looked over at me, sighed, and said: “Ohhh, it feels like forever.  The days feel like forever. “  As I nodded in instant recognition of those feelings, she went on to tell me how early her little boy gets up, how he doesn’t nap much if at all, how hard it is to get him in bed at his usual time now that the days are light so much longer, and . . .  You all know the rest of the story well.

A few moments later I noticed a very energetic grandmother playing with several of her grandchildren.  They were having a ball.  The kids had set up a “store” under one of the climbing structures and she was “buying” all kinds of things from them (including ice cream—which definitely got Gigi’s attention!)  Soon the kids tired of that game and ran on to another, and this very engaged grandmother looked over at me with both a big smile and a sigh and said, as she ran after them,” I am absolutely exhausted!”

Sounds familiar, yes?  Days that feel like forever.  Chronic exhaustion. It comes with the mom-job, with keeping up with these little energizer bunnies.  Which is why I love watching my daughter and her daughter have so much fun together.

Yes, Erika’s days often feel like forever.  And yes, she is most always exhausted (especially now that she is pregnant with Gigi’s little brother or sister).  But even amidst it all, they do have fun.  I wish I had a video of Gigi dancing with her mama in front of the mirror, traipsing around in her mama’s shoes (what little girl doesn’t love that?), or waking up in the morning carrying on conversations with herself interspersed with “Isn’t that just so funny!”  (Not caught on video!)  But we did have fun with her new scooter, new sunglasses, and glasses for Corduroy—and how about tutus for headdresses?  I suspect it’s the having fun part that gets many moms through the not-so-fun parts of the mom-job.

I’m not sure I was that much fun as a mother.  But I hope you are!

Lessons Learned from Little Ones

/

Do you learn a lot from your kids?  I know I did.  And now I’m learning just as much—or more!—from my grandchildren.   Here are two of the latest examples:

“You’re Mrs. Beaver.  You make the decisions.” That’s what my 4-year-old grandson told me when we were “playing Narnia” last week.  Soren’s parents had been reading him one chapter each night from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, by C.S. Lewis.  The child was completely entranced by the story.  While I was visiting them, his favorite game was “Let’s play Narnia,” and we each had assigned character parts.   We were to call each other by our Narnia names—even his little 1-year-old brother whom he had named, interestingly, Aslan.

One morning when Soren (Peter) and I were playing in the basement, his “Kangaroo Climber” was serving as the beaver den.  Trying to figure out what toys (plastic food, etc) we could use to serve “breakfast,” I asked him, “Peter, what do you think we should have for breakfast?”  That’s when I got his response: “Well, you’re Mrs. Beaver. You make the decisions.”

Hmmm…food for thought (no pun intended!).  I wonder if that’s not what a lot of kids are thinking when struggling parents may be being having difficulty “being the parent.”  Kids need to know who’s in charge, don’t they?  Actually, they instinctively know who’s supposed to be in charge.   All the more reason to step up and, as we say at Mom to Mom, “be the parent”!

“Time out!  Time out!  Time out!” This story came to me from “Gigi,” the grandmother with whom I share grandchildren Bengt (5) and Hannah (21 months).   Once when she was visiting and watching the kids, Hannah ventured over to grab a lamp cord she wasn’t supposed to touch.  “No, Hannah, you can’t touch that,” reminded her big brother.  Looking him straight in the eye, she turned around and grabbed hold of the cord, exclaiming in her powerful (I’m not kidding!) voice: “MINE!!!!”  Enter Gigi.  As her grandmother approached the scene of the crime, Hannah immediately began shouting “Time out, time out, time out,” and took herself right over to the time-out chair.   Her mom tells me she doesn’t always do that, but it was an instructive moment.

And sometimes we wonder if they really “get it” when we tell them no, or follow through with discipline.   Think again!  As I was often reminded as a mom, our kids are always smarter than we are!