“But I’m Not Feeling Very Thankful”

Even our children feel it. Watching his dad turn the calendar into November, our six-year-old grandson sighed: “Oh, November. There’s so much to do in November . . . like getting ready for December!” 

The frenzy has begun. At our mall, Christmas carols are playing, stores are frantically replacing Halloween stuff with Christmas glitz, and even Santa himself has arrived. Our mailbox fills with catalogues, and Black Friday sales are already beginning online. Meanwhile, Thanksgiving (what was that, again?) is still over 3 weeks away. 

Time to give thanks? You’ve gotta be kidding me. So OK, we’ll admit it. Sometimes it’s hard to feel thankful. There are many reasons for this. Especially for moms. If you plan to host Thanksgiving, let’s face it: It’s a lot of work. Just the thought of it makes me tired. I know some of you enjoy cooking a lot more than I do, but we all know it’s a lot of work. In the midst of all the preparation, it’s easy to miss the “thanks” part of Thanksgiving.

But sometimes it’s much more than time-crunch. Not only is it hard to find time to count our blessings, which we all know are many. Sometimes we just have a hard time feeling thankful. We struggle with a glass half-empty mentality. We feel so weighed down with problems (financial, relational, medical, educational—you name it), that it’s hard find a thankful heart. We’re just plain exhausted. And some of you are struggling with grief and loss and pain that “the holidays” only seem to make worse. 

Yet we need to give thanks. Not only because God calls us to it (a good enough reason!), but also because it’s good for us. A lifeline, really. Even in the hard times. Maybe especially in the hard times. I’ve always heard this, maybe even known this to be true, but lately I am learning, more and more, to actually feel this. Remember what we often say at Mom to Mom? Sometimes when we go through the motions, the emotion will follow. 

This is not pretending. This is not “just putting on a happy face.” Fakery doesn’t fool anybody. At least, not ourselves. And certainly not God! This—the true, authentic giving of thanks—is a process. 

• First, be real. With God—and yourself. Before God, name your very real struggles—the thanksgiving blockers in your life. Don’t forget Psalm 38:9: “All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.”

• Then, reflect: Once we’ve opened our hearts before God, He reminds us of His promises to us. He sees us. He hears us. He never leaves us. He loves us always. He gives us “hope and a future.” He never lets go of the rope. His anchor holds. His is a no-matter-what love.

• Also, remember: Think about the “mission impossible” times in your life. The things you never thought you could survive. The times when He held you in the storm. The times you could somehow feel Him even when you couldn’t seem to see—or maybe even hear—Him.

• And then, respond by naming things you truly can be thankful for, even amidst loss and tears and sadness. Because you can . . . you can be thankful and sad at the same time, and give thanks even through tears. I know. If you need help, read a favorite Psalm. Sing a song of praise and thanks. Or listen to a playlist full of such songs—the ones that speak out of pain, that sing in the night—not the “let’s pretend” ones.

You may be surprised how God can shape a thankful heart even out of sadness and pain—or in the midst of busy-ness—if we just slow down and give Him the chance.

Ann Voskamp has it right: “A song of thanks steadies everything.”