“Extra Grace Required” People
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Let’s face it, sometimes in life we have to deal with difficult people—at work, in our neighborhoods, in our churches, and even in our own families. Sometimes we find ourselves dealing with a difficult person in our Mom to Mom small groups. But in church circles, we don’t say “difficult people” because that could sound unkind. Instead, we sometimes refer to these individuals as “extra grace required” people.
When I consider how to react and respond to the difficult people in my life, I find it helpful to observe the ways Jesus responded to the many pushy, needy, “extra grace required” people he interacted with in Biblical stories.
Jesus had compassion for “extra grace required” people.
First, I notice that Jesus responded with compassion. We read in Matthew 9:36 that Jesus had compassion on people as they crowded around him for healing “because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” Jesus even had compassion on people who were so pushy they caused property damage in their effort to get to Jesus for healing. We read in Mark 2 (and Matthew 9 and Luke 5) about a group of guys who cut a hole in someone’s roof in order to get their friend in front of Jesus so that he could be healed. Jesus does not reprimand these men for causing costly damage to the home. Instead, he forgives their sins and heals the man so that he can walk again. He has compassion on the needy people around him.
Jesus did not have compassion on people who were a barrier to worship.
But I also notice that Jesus did not have compassion on difficult people who prevented others from worshiping or hearing the word of God. In Mark 11, we read about how Jesus overturned the tables in the temple courts when he noticed the money changers were selling doves and taking financial advantage of the people who were coming to worship at the temple. Jesus could see into their hearts and understand their motive—greed! But we are not the all-knowing God so we can’t always know the motives of the “extra grace required” people among us. Therefore, we need to assume the best about difficult people we encounter and respond with compassion.
But there are times when we can see that the actions of difficult people are a hindrance to the spiritual growth of others. In our Mom to Mom groups, for example, sometimes a particularly outspoken or domineering mom can squelch the participation of other women in the group. How do we show compassion without allowing them to drown out the voices and needs of others in the circle? Thankfully, we have another Biblical story in which Jesus beautifully demonstrates that balance.
Jesus showed compassion while setting healthy boundaries.
In Luke 5, we see that Jesus was preaching on the shores of the Lake of Gennesaret and a large group of people were crowding around him to hear what he had to say. Wisely, Jesus got into a boat and pushed off from the shore a bit to create enough space so that everyone could hear.
Like Jesus, we need to set healthy boundaries in our lives and our Mom to Mom small groups. For example:
We can set limits on the times of day when we will respond to the needy people, protecting family dinner hour or other important times of rest.
We can have private conversations with the “difficult” women in our Mom to Mom groups to give them some focused attention so they won’t feel the need to dominate small group time.
Small group leaders can make a point to seek out the input from more quiet members of our groups by simply saying, “We’d like to hear from everyone. Is there someone who has not yet shared who would like to add to the conversation?”
It should be our mission to show compassion to the “extra grace required” people in our midst, while setting healthy boundaries so that the voices and needs of others can be heard, as well.