An Odd Valentine Gift
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I wasn’t sure what to make of the odd Valentine gift I received from my husband. I tried to hide my confusion and disappointment as I pulled out a cone-shaped piece of sports equipment. A wind sock, perhaps? I think my facial expression must have betrayed my true feeling because he quickly said, “You have to read the card.”
In his note, my husband Don said he knew our marriage was strained by his frequent business travel, which left me feeling disconnected. That challenge made him think of this particular item – a sea anchor. He explained that a sea anchor is a safety device that steadies a boat in the midst of a storm. Unlike a standard anchor that tethers a boat to the sea floor, a sea anchor simply provides drag on the boat to keep it facing into the wind so that it will not capsize. It keeps the boat in a safe position until the storm passes.
Don acknowledged that our separation during his work travel was difficult, but he stressed that he feels my presence through my prayers for him each and every day. His work often finds him in tense meetings, making difficult decisions about complicated circumstances. In those moments, he feels my prayers as tangibly as the firm tug of a sea anchor in the middle of a storm.
I was grateful that my husband felt blessed by my persistent prayers for him, but I felt a little overwhelmed by the responsibility. That is when God helped me reframe the image of the sea anchor in our marriage.
I envisioned holding on to Don in the “boat” of our marriage and facing the storms of life with God as our sea anchor. Yes, He prevented us from capsizing during some pretty rough storms in married life:
Strain of post-partum depression and newborn sleep deprivation
Uncertainties of job loss and unemployment
Exhausting work of parenting active, strong-willed children
Navigating the confusing world of learning disabilities in our daughters
Establishing freedoms and boundaries for our teenagers
The image of God as an anchor in our marriage undoubtedly popped into my mind at that moment because I recalled the following verse in scripture:
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. ”
Yes, we can have hope during the storms in our relationships because God is faithful and freely provides the tools we need:
His Word. I am so grateful for the timeless wisdom that God gives us through His word. There are countless verses that guide us in marriage and interpersonal relationships. Verses that pop into my mind at just the right moment to keep me from veering off into destructive relationship waters. For example, “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof” (Proverbs 27:15) and “a gentle answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1) are words that can inspire me to bite my tongue in a precarious relationship moment.
His Spirit. I am also thankful for the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit that prompts me to reach out with a hug or write a note to my husband when I sense he needs a bit of affirmation. Or the courage to speak up when I feel it is time to address a relationship issue that we had been sweeping under the rug.
His Church. And where would we be if we did not have the companionship and guidance of our church family? God provides friends, mentors, pastors and Christian counselors who can speak words of truth and encouragement in our marriages and interpersonal relationships.
God is the anchor of hope in our marriages, providing all these tools to steady us when our relationships enter choppy waters and high winds in the storms of life.
Now, a little disclaimer here. All of this is assuming that we are married to men of good intentions and good character. God does offer hope in the storms of marriage and provides the tools we need, but both spouses must be willing to work on the relationship. We cannot “fix” a marriage on our own if a husband refuses to engage in the process. Wives, do not feel burdened by guilt and shame if that is where you find yourself today. Instead, reach out to a trusted friend, pastor or counselor. You do not have to suffer alone.
In our marriages, let’s hold firm onto God, our sea anchor in challenging times. Lean into the tools He gives us to weather the storms of life – His Word, His Spirit and His church. Regularly check the line that connects us to that sea anchor… and don’t let it fray!